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About Tomato

Hey!

Thank you for stopping by in my little corner of the Universe. My name is Dylan. I am an amateur advice columnist specializing in relationships, sex, and intimacy. I am a straight(ish) cis man who is a father to a beautiful daughter and a partner to two lovely humans. To give you some personal background, I have been ethically non-monogamous/polyamorous for three years. In those three years, I have connected with more wonderful people than I honestly deserve. And now I wish to spread some of that wisdom I have received with the rest of the world, which brings me here!

In my column, you will find that I have three core beliefs.

One. I firmly believe that different people love differently. We all grow up with radically different personal backgrounds, wildly variable support networks, and completely unique expectations and perspectives on all aspects of life. As such, one person’s experience of one relationship might be completely different from their partner’s experience of that same relationship. It is important to note here that all forms of love are valid, each forms of love do not detract from another, and no one form of love is superior to another. In my column, you will find acceptance and compassion for all forms of identity, love, and orientation.

Two. While I personally practice consensual non-monogamy in my own polyamorous relationships, I do not believe that ethical non-monogamy is for everyone. It personally bothers me to see so much advice online suggesting threesomes or opening up to “spice up their sex life” to resolve internal issues. I also do not believe that polyamory is an ascended form of relationship orientation; it is just one of the models that work for some people. I believe that monogamy exists for many great reasons and that monogamy could enable many couples to fully embrace themselves in an incredibly intimate way that cannot be replicated in any polyamorous relationship. So unless prompted, I will not advise an existing monogamous relationship to open up.

Three. I believe that great relationships should be resilient. We live in a day and age where a very common relationship advice is to just break up and move onto the next person. While I believe that DTMFA (Dump that Motherfucker Already) advice is easy and fun to read, it feels both deeply discompassionate and profoundly disrespectful of the people in that relationship to suggest them to break up. So outside of truly extreme circumstances such as abuse, I will not advise to end a relationship. Instead, I will focus more on what to do to fix your existing relationship and how to set & communicate your personal boundaries. In a very worst case, I will advise to consider de-escalating various aspects of their relationship instead of just ending them. I believe that the best kind of love is the kind that endures the worst and changes for the better for it.

When I am not giving advice online, I love to relax with a book in hand alongside my lovely partners, my newborn baby, and my pup Taco.

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Not his first blep, I’m afraid. It definitely won’t be his last.