“Me and my ex-girlfriend broke up about two months ago. She 100% blames me for it and also claims that I cheated on her although this isn’t actually true.
I’m quite interested in Korean culture (Japanese and Chinese culture too though) and where I live there’s a regular meet-up for people who either are Korean or are interested in the culture or want to learn Korean and improve their skills. This is actually where I met my ex-girlfriend since she helps to organise it.
After we broke up I still went to those bi-weekly (usually) meet-ups since I didn’t want to give them up because of her, however she’s been pretty much bullying me at those. Says to me that I shouldn’t come because no one would want me here and tells every girl I talk to that she should know that I’m a cheater and can’t be trusted. This has just further decreased my chances with other women.
I told her that her behavior is silly and childish but she won’t listen and just keeps calling me a cheater. What can I do?”
Dear Winter Shelter,
As a Korean, it always enthuses me to see so many people of so many different cultural backgrounds enjoy the culture I am from. The parts of Korean culture I grew up with went way deeper than the K-pop and the idol craze that a lot of normative Korean culture fans associate it with. But there is a lot there in the Korean history to celebrate its culture and heritage in a very meaningful way that go beyond just the surface.
For whatever the reason is – justified or not – she does not feel comfortable with you attending the same meetups as she does. It is unfortunate, but you could always stop going. Or find a different Korean culture meetup to attend. Or focus a bit more on Japanese and Chinese cultures in the meantime. Or maybe even start & host a new Korean culture celebration meetup of your own.
I mean, I don’t get the sense that you personally enjoy attending a meetup organized by someone who so greatly misunderstands and maintains a toxic attitude towards you for whatever reason – again, justified or not. So you could just establish a personal boundary not to attend meetups where the host is hostile towards you and make you feel personally uncomfortable.
As unfortunate as it is, you can also take this as a learning lesson for yourself as well. There is a good reason why there is a colloquial wisdom not to date in a workplace. If/when things go south, it is very hard to avoid your ex in a space you both frequent. I know this isn’t a workplace, but it is a space that you both frequent. Maybe she’ll change her mind about maintaining a hostile environment for you with time.
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