“I [26M] saw a mutual friend, who was drunk, grab my girlfriends [27F] breasts. She slapped him lightly across the cheek, but I can’t help feeling mad about it. They have been flirting before I met either of them, but stopped it because she felt they weren’t compatible.
On one hand I know her to be strong and faithful, fully capable of handling him by herself. On the other hand I feel the need to address it to him, that what he did is unacceptable. I’m going to speak with her about it as well but..
How would you proceed?”
First things first, talk to your girlfriend. She was the one who was sexually assaulted. And she was the one who handled it first. So see how she is doing and figure out if she needs support first. Talk to her about what you saw and be there to talk her through whatever she wants to talk through with you. It sounds like your girlfriend did and will continue to handle it on her own, so be there to support her in whatever way she decides is the best course of action.
Regardless of what happens with your girlfriend, you are absolutely within your own right to establish a personal boundary to not be associated with people who sexually assault others in state of inebriation. Your upset feelings are completely and utterly justified. If that is the path you’d like to go down, you can either handle it by communicating to your (soon to be ex) friend and tell him what you saw and how you’ve arrived to that conclusion.
Flirting is one thing. Touching other’s bodies without consent is another. Alcohol is not an excuse.
Tea Time with Tomato is an informative relationship and sex advice column for both monogamous and polyamorous folks. By submitting your post, you agree to let me use your story in part or in full. You also agree to let me edit or elaborate for clarity.
I want to hear your thoughts and feedback! Please feel free to send me your questions and comments at email@example.com. If you liked my advice for this post, please follow me on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe below to get alerted when my next advice column is published!