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Advice – My friend betrayed my confidence.

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/u/purrniesanders writes on /r/relationships…

“My husband [26M] had his best friend [29M] and his GF [25F] over last night while I was at a game night. This morning my husband’s saying the GF told them all the stuff I say to her in confidence about my marriage.

I am livid and I feel completely betrayed. I also feel stupid, since I was under the impression that GF and I were friends (she talks about her relationship with me and vice verse). It’s really been important for me since last year we moved over an hour from all of my friends, so I rarely see them.

I tried to confront her over text and she denied it. What do I do? As long as I’m married to my husband and she is dating his best friend, I’ll have to see her.”

Dear Purrnie Sanders,

I can understand why you feel so upset and hurt over your friend’s action and subsequent denial. We sometimes need to vent our feelings out in order to validate and verbalize our feelings. It helps us feel more grounded in our human experiences. For her to take advantage of the implicit trust you’ve placed in her and share what you’ve shared in confidence is an overstep in an unspoken boundary between you two.

Since you’ve already confronted and she has since denied her involvement, there is only one path to follow here. Continue to keep your distance from your friend. She may come to you with her relationship problems, but it might be beneficial for you to only talk about your marital problems at a very high level going forward. If she pushes you on details, just kindly remind her that you don’t feel comfortable sharing too much about your marriage.

Someone once told me to listen to people when they reveal things about themselves. So listen to your friend in her actions and decide for yourself what kind of friendship you want to have with your friend going forward. You absolutely do not have to go scorched earth policy here. Re-establishing a more casual level of friendship might be a better way to approach this conflict, especially since you don’t have many friends in your new area.

Good luck!

Tea Time with Tomato is an informative relationship and sex advice column for both monogamous and polyamorous folks. By submitting your post, you agree to let me use your story in part or in full. You also agree to let me edit or elaborate for clarity.

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