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Advice – How do I talk about my kinks? [NSFW]

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/u/yikes-my-dudes writes on /r/sex…

“So, I have told my boyfriend that my interests are a bit out there (I’m into hardcore BDSM and I am a domme). However, he doesn’t really understand what exactly I mean. Like he knows I’m kinky but he doesn’t understand to what extent. How would I go about having this conversation with him? I’m very nervous. “

Dear Yikes My Dudes,

Walking through what interests you about those kinks and fetishes would be a pretty good start. Then he might also be really interested to hear more about how your sexuality would manifest in your relationship with him. Talk about what you would like to do and what you enjoy. If you already have previous experiences, you can reflect on your previous experiences to talk about what you’ve enjoyed in the past. If you haven’t yet explored your BDSM background with another partner yet, then talking about your fantasies in greater detail and allowing him to fill that space would give him much better idea of in what different ways he should be occupying that different role for you.

Then once you’ve laid it all out for him, give him an opportunity to ask lots of questions and the space to process and embrace what you’ve opened up to him about. If he is interested, you can show him the kind of porn you like to help him further visualize what you like.

Good luck!

Tea Time with Tomato is an informative relationship and sex advice column for both monogamous and polyamorous folks. By submitting your post, you agree to let me use your story in part or in full. You also agree to let me edit or elaborate for clarity.

I want to hear your thoughts and feedback! Please feel free to send me your questions and comments at teatimetomato@gmail.com.

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