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Advice – Can my sexual orientation change?

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/u/GoingGone_ on /r/relationship_advice writes…

“I’m a girl, and I’m currently 19 years old. I’ve never been physically attracted to girls before, never, not in the slightest. I’ve always considered myself straight, and I had a boyfriend before we broke up one year ago.

I go to the university, and I’m taking a new class. There’s one girl in my class, she’s the reason why I’m making this post. I would not call her classically pretty, but there’s something so magnificent and alluring in her appearance. Her body language, voice and intelligence also really attract me. I don’t know her personally, we barely talk because we’re taking completely different classes excluding the one where I can see her twice a week.

So, I’m really, really confused. Is it possible to fall in love and be physically attracted to someone who has the same gender when overall you’re not attracted to girls at all? I just don’t know whether I’m bisexual or not, she’s the only exception. It’s very shocking to find out this part of yourself when you’ve been convinced all your life you’re straight. It’s a very weird feeling…”

Dear Going Gone,

My absolute favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla. I’ve enjoyed an embarrassing amount of different vanilla ice cream over the years. Some were really thick and creamy while others were really fluffy and light. There were very plain vanilla ice cream, really spicy vanilla with an extra kick, and all shades in between.

I also really, really like this flavor of ice cream called Blue Moon at this local ice creamery in the town over. It is essentially a rich chocolate-flavored ice cream with bits of light caramel undertones and softness of a cotton candy.

For the most part, I will always opt to get a vanilla flavored ice cream at every ice creamery I go to, with the exception of this place’s Blue Moon.

Much like my taste in ice cream, human sexuality and sexual spectrum is a freeflowing spectrum that is constantly growing and reshaping around different human experiences. I am really happy to hear that you found someone of your own gender that you find attractive. The rules of attraction are often non-verbal and inexplicable. It won’t matter how you verbalize or logically define why or how you are attracted to this person; you just are. Like Blue Moon, this girl in your class could be your small exception to your “mostly heterosexual” rules. Hell. I identify as mostly straight with a couple small exceptions to the rule as well. Labels like heteroflexible, bicurious, and questioning all seemed to fit well for my own experiences to explain that I don’t just find myself attracted to the opposite gender. You might have always had some very basic level of attraction toward other women, but there wasn’t really anyone that you’ve felt that same intense desire for. Or this could be just a really new thing for you that you are now only coming to recognize. Either way, I am so excited for you!

But the label itself isn’t really all that important. What is more important is what you want to do with your feelings. Go talk to her and find out if your feelings are justified. She could be your Blue Moon.

Good luck!

Tea Time with Tomato is an informative relationship and sex advice column for both monogamous and polyamorous folks. By submitting your post, you agree to let me use your story in part or in full. You also agree to let me edit or elaborate for clarity.

I want to hear your thoughts and feedback! Please feel free to send me your questions and comments at teatimetomato@gmail.com.

Categories: Advice

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