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Advice – GF keeps asking to peg me. [NSFW]

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/u/Enough_Time1 from /r/sex writes…

“So my girlfriend keeps asking to peg me. When we first started having sex and talking about kinks, I told her that I had two lines that I refuse to ever cross. Nothing up my butt and no chastity. I asked if she had any lines, she said humiliation. I don’t even like that, so we were fine.

But recently, she keeps asking to peg me, even though I keep refusing. She tells me some variation of either that I will love it so much that I will never want to go back to normal sex, or that since she indulges my kinks, I should at least try this. That last one is only partially true, as my only irregular kink is hairjobs, and she doesn’t even do those very often.

What happens is that she bugs me about trying it for like ten minutes, she finally gets the message and stops, and then a few days later she asks again. I don’t think that this is too serious, but it’s really starting to get annoying. Is there some way to convince her to just stop?”

Dear Enough Time 1,

This appears to be a major boundary violation. You have laid out early on in your relationship that pegging in specific is a non-negotiable boundary. Your girlfriend agreed to that boundary. And now that she is realizing how much of a need it is for her, she is pushing on your non-negotiable boundary. Yikes.

Let’s sit and think about this for a minute. If the genders were flipped and the boyfriend was repeatedly asking the girlfriend for anal sex, that would not be acceptable. It is no exception here. You have a right to your own body and your boundaries – especially if they are this firm – needs to be respected no matter what.

I think what you need to do here is to sit her down and communicate that pushing on your boundary like this is making you feel really upset. It might also be beneficial for you to shut that conversation down hard the next time she asks about pegging. Something along the lines of “I have repeatedly communicate with you that pegging is a no-go for me. I will no longer discuss this topic with you. I feel really hurt that you keep asking. If you continue to coerce me and try to convince me to appreciate pegging, [such and such] will be a consequence.” And give her an opportunity to really understand how much of a boundary violation it is for her to constantly push you to renegotiate on a boundary that you feel so firm about.

Good luck!

Tea Time with Tomato is an informative relationship and sex advice column for both monogamous and polyamorous folks. By submitting your post, you agree to let me use your story in part or in full. You also agree to let me edit or elaborate for clarity.

I want to hear your thoughts and feedback! Please feel free to send me your questions and comments at teatimetomato@gmail.com.

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