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Advice – I have a high drive. [NSFW]

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/u/alienshe93 on /r/sex writes…

“Me [26F] and a new FWB [27M] just started having sex a couple days ago. Now, I have a very high sex drive. I could go all night, however, my partner can only go once. This is not a problem for me at all and I would never try and force someone to keep going if they don’t want to or if they just can’t but he’s expressed that he wants to work on his recovery time so he can go more rounds.

He’s mentioned that in the past, he’s been able to go more than once but that it was probably because he was a lot more physically active and was in a relationship so he would have sex all the time. I did let him know of my high sex drive and that it’s very likely that we would be having a lot of sex so maybe that’ll help him out but I don’t know.

Is there even anything I could do to help him? Or is it all on him?”

Dear AlienShe93,

I sometimes play this game where I flip the genders and see if my perspective or advice changes. Let’s try it here.

“Me [26M] and a new FWB [27F] just started having sex a couple days ago. Now, I have a very high sex drive. I could go all night, however, my partner can only go once. This is not a problem for me at all and I would never try and force someone to keep going if they don’t want to or if they just can’t but she’s expressed that she wants to work on her recovery time so she can go more rounds.

She’s mentioned that in the past, she’s been able to go more than once but that it was probably because she was a lot more physically active and was in a relationship so she would have sex all the time. I did let her know of my high sex drive and that it’s very likely that we would be having a lot of sex so maybe that’ll help her out but I don’t know.

Is there even anything I could do to help her? Or is it all on her?”

My face (2019).
“Branch Closing”. The Office (US). S03E07. NBC.

I don’t think it is your responsibility to help out here. The only thing you can do is to communicate what your needs are and work with your FWB to make sure your and his needs are both met.

But I also think that there is an important opportunity here for your FWB as well.

I don’t think it would be reasonable to expect that every one of your sexual partner will be into the exact same fantasies/kinks as you are and also match the same sexual drive you have. It would be much more reasonable to recognize the gap you have, communicate about that gap, and meet each other at a point where you two can both be happy. So here are a couple suggestions for both him and you.

If he cannot stay hard during subsequent sessions, why not spread it out for a longer amount of time so that he can stay hard for a longer first fuck? If he feels comfortable, he can switch between eating you out and PIV intercourse as you both feel comfortable. Also, his penis is not the only body part of his that can have a penetrative intercourse with you. He has finger(s), tongue, fist, and toys at his disposal. If you really need him to fuck you with a hard phallic object at the point of his pelvis, he could also consider wearing a strap-on to be hard for you.

As for you, maybe some adjustment in your perspective is in order as well. A lot of guys struggle with the same kind of pressure around staying hard during sex. After all, penis is too often the focus of penile intercourse. And more pressure there is, the harder it is to stay hard. So please consider that sex and intimacy in heterosexual relationships can also be satisfying even without a penis.

Good luck!

Tea Time with Tomato is an informative relationship and sex advice column for both monogamous and polyamorous folks. By submitting your post, you agree to let me use your story in part or in full. You also agree to let me edit or elaborate for clarity.

I want to hear your thoughts and feedback! Please feel free to send me your questions and comments at teatimetomato@gmail.com.

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