/u/HeWhoHasAName on /r/relationship_advice writes…
“Mutual friend (21M) of all three of us sent me the screenshot asking if my best friend John and his girlfriend Sadie were still together. Names are obviously fake. Now, the profile is fairly innocent saying she is just looking for someone to smoke with or for friendship and John is in all of the pictures. I’m not an idiot and there are several explanations for the profile. Maybe it’s genuinely innocent and she just wants some friends to smoke with. Maybe her and John are opening their relationship which I’ve done myself and I totally support! Or maybe she’s cheating. I don’t know and it’s genuinely not my business. I just can’t shake the feeling that regardless of the explanation, I feel as if I should make sure that John at least knows about the profile. Should I show John the profile and how should i do so? I don’t want to ruin their relationship due to assumptions or anything like that but i feel a responsibility at the same time to protect my friend. Any and all help would be appreciated.”
Dear He Who Has a Name,
Why couldn’t the mutual friend just go straight to John with this and cut out the middleman? That mutual friend essentially pawned off his emotional responsibility here as not just your friend, but also as friend of both John and Sadie.
Nit picking aside, most people who are on Tinder aren’t just looking for “smoke buddies.” So there is a strong possibility that John and Sadie have an open relationship. After all, one in five individuals have been in consensual non-monogamous relationship at some point in their lives (yourself included). Give them space and let them figure this out. You’re right. This is really none of your business. But considering you’ve already had some open relationship experience, it might not be such a bad thing to bond over your possible mutual experience if you feel particularly courageous about expanding your best friendship with John.
Next time you receive something like this from a mutual friend, it might be beneficial for you to just say, “I’m not sure. You might want to ask John yourself.”
Tea Time with Tomato is an informative relationship and sex advice column for both monogamous and polyamorous folks. By submitting your post, you agree to let me use your story in part or in full. You also agree to let me edit or elaborate for clarity.
I want to hear your thoughts and feedback! Please feel free to send me your questions and comments at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you liked my advice for this post, please follow me on Facebook and Twitter. You can also subscribe below to get alerted when my next advice column is published!